Why Slow and Steady Wins the Race in Social Media

A lot of the times, new business pop up and their owners are so excited about this new venture that they think they need to see quick growth on social media. This mindset may lead them to make some rash decisions such as buying followers or spending too much on ads. And it may look impressive to investors to have gained over 1,000 followers in under a month, but savvy investors know there's more to it than that. And the day-to-day consumer probably won't even pay attention.

Let's get this out of the way right at the front: Do not buy followers. No one knows for sure, but it's estimated that about 15% of social media accounts are bots. That's 15% of about 3 billion. So, if you had every bot on Twitter following you, it would bring your follower count up to about 450 million. Sounds impressive, right? It does right up until you realize that bots aren't buying your products or telling any real people about you. You could make the case that the high number of foll…

Green Onion: Ape Counsel Grants Harambe Full Sainthood

Following the death of the beloved gorilla, Harambe, many apes were left reeling at the decision by the Ape Counsel to stay the execution of the human responsible. Although the Ape Counsel remains unmoved on this decision, it has decided to grant sainthood to Harambe due to his many good works in the Ape community.

"Harambe was an Ape of the people," said Bongo, head of the Ape Counsel. "He performed many good deeds in the name of the gods, and never flung his excrement at anyone who didn't deserve it. It's unfortunate that we will never know the true reason for his encounter with a human child on the day he died, though it was suspected that he had important information to impart."

Similar to Catholic sainthood, the requirements for being canonized under the Ape Counsel are the commission of at least two miracles, and at least one of the following: Evidence of an exemplary life, a heroic death, or major conversion of the heart from evil to good. Harambe is said to have provided bananas out of thin air when the zoo staff ran out, and healed a human boy's broken fingers. His death was considered to be sacrificial.

Although the heroism of his death has been contested, there has been no disputation about his sainthood. The Ape Counsel voted unanimously to canonize Harambe and will be erecting a statue to that effect presently.